Here's to us
by StrawberrySab
Summary: Name partnership. I struggled with the idea and relished its taste for hours, conflicted between my commitment towards Cary and the other associates and the temptation - hard to resist - that Will has presented me with earlier today. (Rated strong T for the end) - Oneshot.


**A/N: This is the result of my wild theorizing with Bye11. It might be spoilerish or more likely be a crazy speculation of our sick and obsessed minds. And a patching just in case we will never have our damn desk sex :P Thanks to Steffi for being my usual awesome smut-beta!**

* * *

Name partnership. I struggled with the idea and relished its taste for hours, conflicted between my commitment towards Cary and the other associates and the temptation - hard to resist - that Will has presented me with earlier today. I told him that I needed some time to think, that I was flattered by his offer but at the same time unsure I was the right person. It is true, in so many ways. I should say no, for this would annihilate everything I've done so far. I'm leaving for good reasons; and running a firm with him would mean to hammer away those reasons forever. Until now I hid behind the boss/employ pretext; accepting this opportunity would wipe away the last excuse I'm left with. And as much as I'm sure that's not Will's intention, I could never trust myself enough to work side by side with him and keep it professional. I have to leave. It's what I've been repeating to myself for the last couple of weeks. It's what I've been working towards since the moment I agreed to join forces with Cary.

_You're the only one I trust._

Will's words still burn like salt on an open wound. If he knew… Diane's plain disappointment couldn't be any more clear. It's like she already knows it's a bad idea. I suspect there is more behind her reluctance and I don't know if it's just my intimate past with Will that bothers her or something more that I still don't know. But she's blatantly against it. I should listen to my instinct and say no. No. Actually I shouldn't even have taken the offer into consideration in the first place.

Then, how did I end up spending the whole afternoon lost in the reverie of how it would be? I don't know how many times I tried to shake away the image. At some point I just gave up. My efficiency was below zero anyway.

My rationality still screams at me that I have to say no, that I'm making the wrong choice, that I could never be a reliable name partner. That I have committed to Cary and the fourth year associates and I can't step back now. But in my heart, I know it's not what I really want. Cary probably knows it too. He knows I'm still hesitant towards the road I'm taking but he's likely oblivious to the reasons behind my doubts. There's a lot more than just loyalty and respect.

_I can't._

_I can still go back._

I just have to tell Cary that I changed my mind. He would understand. And I'm sure that the other associates wouldn't object, for I'm sure they don't like me one bit. They are probably all convinced that I slept my way up to partnership. Carey especially; he doesn't miss a chance to point out my personal involvement and he probably wouldn't miss a chance to give me hell as his name partner, too.

When I look up from my desk I notice it's dark all around me. A quick look at the clock tells me that it's already past dinner time and that I wasted the whole afternoon on nothing. I stand up, take my things and start to leave. The silence that fills the floor at this late hour feels unreal, especially in these last days when the near walkout makes the climate so tense and frenetic. But maybe it's just my imagination.

I've almost reached the elevators when I see that one office is still illuminated. Will's office. He's still here. I ponder quickly if I should just wish him goodnight and leave before he can ask me anything or… or…

I peek into his office through the glassy side wall. He has his back on me so he can't see me. I could leave straightaway and he wouldn't notice my presence. He probably doesn't even know that I'm still here. He's clearly not working. I smile at the sight of him sprawling and rocking in his chair, his inseparable baseball in his hands flying repeatedly to brush the ceiling at every toss.

My stomach ties in a painful knot.

I have to call Cary and tell him I'm out before it's too late, before everything falls apart and I get caught in the middle, though it feels like I'm already there and what I'm about to do will only make it worse.

In that moment, one decided rock makes Will's chair turn in my direction. He freezes, his features wincing in embarrassment, probably for being caught doing nothing, and he gives me a faltering smile.

I breathe in all the courage and self-control I can muster to walk the few steps that separate me from his front door.

"Hey," he welcomes me, almost whispering in the apparently peaceful silence.

It's like the quiet before the storm and I feel sick as I realize that Will has no idea of how turbulent that storm will be.

"Hey… I was leaving," my nerves speak for me. I explain with no reason, for I have my purse in hand and my coat hanging around my arm.

"I see it," Will observes with an amused look.

I look down, suddenly weak on my knees. This is exactly why I am supposed to leave. "I contemplated your offer," I say. My hastened words, quivering under the weight of my over-anxiety, must come out with the wrong sound, for I see his expression cloud, his smile gone.

"It's okay, you don't have to accept, I understand. It was a bit rushed," he brushes it away with the gesture of one hand, as his gaze falls down, back to his baseball.

"I accept." I try to sound confident and resolute but I'm sure that my frayed nerves betray me.

He stares up and back at me. He looks confused, almost surprised, as if he wasn't really expecting it. "What?"

"Unless you changed your mind," I offer him a way out. Maybe I should have waited for him to ask me if I had made a decision?

"No I didn't," he says, hurriedly, with his best and reassuring smile on; one of honesty.

"I mean, I still think that I'm not the best option but…" I have to make myself clear, for I'm afraid that a lot of associates around here won't like this. David Lee will probably start to plan a way to get rid of me the very moment Will spreads the news. I have to be ready to face a lot of hate.

"Are you backtracking already?" Will raises a brow in confusion, a faux one I assume.

A nervous laughter escapes me. "Of course not. I just… are you sure?"

"Are you?" Will turns the question at me.

Am I? "I am," I nod lightly. His blissful smile is all the reassurance I need.

"Then… welcome aboard!" He says zestfully as he stands up from his chair, walks up to me, then closes me in a tight, warm embrace. I can feel my heart pound, running so fast that for a moment I suspect that Will can feel it, too.

He joins me in my laughter, he sounds and looks so sincerely excited that I end up convincing myself that this is the right choice indeed. I end up convincing myself that Cary won't hold a grudge against me for changing my mind. _Are you having second thoughts? _In the end, he knew from the very beginning that I had more than just one doubt.

"Gardner, Florrick and Associates…. How does that sound?" Will teases me with his boyish smile.

I repeat the words in my mind. Isn't that my dream? _Our_ dream, since the day we met at Georgetown? Gardner & Cavanaugh. Cavanaugh & Gardner. So many years have passed. So many things have changed. I remember with a smile my strong arguments in defense of the alphabetical order and its importance to give a more positive and reassuring image to the clients. _You can't mess with the alphabet. It's the foundation and one of the few certainties of our society_. "It sounds good." And it matters little if the combination of names is not the same anymore.

"We should celebrate," Will offers with a resolute nod.

For some reason I'm led to believe that that's a bad idea. "Yes we should," I say instead. I have no control over my own will. I already know what that means. Troubles ahead.

I walk a few more steps in so I can lay my things on the couch and I watch as he takes the champagne, fills the flutes and hands me one. I rest against his desk for support. I'm so nervous that I nearly drop my glass and a few drops of liquid fall on the parquet floor. "Damn, I'm sorry," I apologize. Though Will doesn't seem to care.

"It's ok… it's only champagne," he shrugs."Here's to Gardner, Florrick and Associates," he states solemnly.

"Here's to us," I say smiling as I raise my glass to meet his.

The clear clinging of the glasses resounds in the silence, its echo is so pleasing to the ear. I swallow all the liquid greedily, in a vain attempt to dissipate the sudden anxiety that grips me as I take in the not really safe circumstance we are in. Alone on the floor with alcohol already on its way to get our nerves. Drunk and celebrating an union that only a few hours before was supposed to become a definite separation. Could the situation be any trickier?

I drown in the sparking bubbles that tiny remnant of apprehension I'm still left with and offer my empty glass for a refill giving up the rest of my resolve.

_He's so close…_

I bite my bottom lip and look away, towards the door. I should leave his office now. I _need_ to leave his office now, but my legs refuse to move. I'm glued to his desk by that same feeling that supposedly should make me run away as fast as I can. But the moment he looks up from my glass and my eyes meet his lips, only inches from me, I stop thinking, I stop pondering, I stop having even the tiniest bit of common sense. I lean close and press my lips on his, hungrily, almost desperately. I can feel him stiffen, caught off guard by my gesture. After all the talking about stopping this, after letting each other go, I am the one – again – starting back the fire. When he suddenly pulls back, I'm startled in doubt. I can read the confusion etched on his face, he's probably wondering if I really want it, if I won't end up regretting it, cursing myself and flying through the door and into the elevator at the speed of light. It's probably what I should do. It's probably what I would do in any other moment. Instead my hands move, seductively, down from his chest and to his trousers. My heart is about to explode, I can feel my cheeks burn under my sudden audacity as I engage a personal fight with his belt first, then with the zipper of his pants. In all this, I never break eye contact with him. I see him get from confusion to fear, from hesitation to desire in the space of a few seconds.

"What are you doing?" he asks, though the answer is quite obvious.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I ask back, my voice coming out more singsong-ish than I want, as my right hand reaches inside his boxers to feel first-hand the evidence of the effect I still have on him. His muffled groan makes me grin mischievously.

"Planning to screw your name partnership?" he jokes.

Uhm.

My hands halt their journey for a moment, as my eyes lift to the ceiling, considering his words.

"Terrible choice of words," he says with a lightly embarrassed laugh that I join soon with a more amused one, as I nod in agreement.

I pull him by his tie to draw him closer and this time he doesn't complain or hesitates anymore. I sigh as I feel the soft touch of his fingers caressing my thighs as he slowly pulls my skirt up around my waist and slides my thong down until it lands on the floor. How did I think it possible to live without this? I should have stopped before the memory would turn into a real taste of what we used to have, of how we used to be. I pull his pants and boxers down enough to free him and before I can become fully aware of what I started myself, he grasps my ass and lifts me up to make me sit on his desk. I shiver lightly at the contact with the hard and cold wooden surface but it doesn't stop me. It doesn't have the time to stop me anyway, for the next moment I feel Will's fingers slide inside of me, making me moan loudly. My eyes shut in anticipation. I'm hyperventilating already at the first taste of what's about to come. I feel his lips pressed against mine and return his devouring kisses with equal passion and impatience. He guides my legs up and around his waist. I obey willingly, as I shift a bit forward to make his access easier. His deep, decided thrusts equal his kisses in fervor and desperation. I cling on to his neck to push against his impetuous attack of ardor.

In the heat of passion, I don't feel anymore the hard surface, only the warm depth of his urge. He slides one arm behind my back and places his hand gently behind my head, then slowly moves me backwards until I lie on the desk. My hand hits something. I hear the crystal sound of glass crashing on the floor. The flutes. Damn. The distraction doesn't last more than one second. With one single thrust I'm pushed back to the reality of our bodies intertwined, twisted in passion. I'm burning in pleasure. Every single nerve of my body is completely out of control and has stopped its struggle to stay in place. His profound, strong shoves have me completely under his power. I let myself go and breathe deeply; my hands play idly with Will's hair as his mouth starts a slow, seductive path of kissing, sucking, licking, from the oversensitive spot behind my ear down to my neck, to my collarbone and even further to the exposed soft skin of my breasts. In this moment, I can't think of anything. My mind is completely numbed by the undeniable passion I still feel for him and that he more than evidently reciprocates.

I will have time later to think if it's something bound to be regretted or worth trying to rebuild something around. Right now, it's only the two of us and our feelings, our need that is quickly building as I clench my inner muscles around him, giving in to the overwhelming feeling of my orgasm that's taking hold of my body. I scream my climax in the silence, as with one last hard push Will releases his own inside of me. The echo of my scream fills the floor with the last reminiscence of our lovemaking. Our breathings are heaving, hurried. My heart is throbbing like never before. I feel his gaze on me and look down to meet his eyes. I'm sure that what I read in them is my own anxiety of not knowing what's just happened between us and what will come next. I still don't know if it's a new beginning or just the beginning of the end and it scares me like hell, for I'm sure I don't want to lose him again.


End file.
